Tuesday, February 18, 2014

What's Good?

“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it” (Gen. 3:6, NIV).


I have probably read Genesis 3:6 dozens of times. When I read it recently, though, I was stopped dead in my tracks. How could Eve’s perception be so misguided? Adam and Eve had been given full reign of the garden. They could basically do whatever they wanted. They were simply given one area of boundary. God said, “‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die” (Gen. 15:16-17). It’s so simple . . . yet, Eve couldn’t help but see the fruit as being good, pleasing, and desirable. She believed a lie, and she justified her decision by mentally wrapping the fruit with pretty paper. God said not to eat, but it was seen as being good, pleasing, and desirable. 

Now, because of the account recorded in Genesis, mankind has a sinful nature. This means that we are going to fall into the same trap that Adam and Eve fell into. We are going to see things in the world that are going to make sense to us as being good, pleasing, and desirable, but in reality, those things may be the very sinful things that will harm us most. If only Adam and Eve had trusted in their God. We look at Adam and Eve, now that we know the outcome of their decision, and we want to do everything in our power to stop them and make them aware of the magnitude of the mistake they were going to make. While there are many things to learn from this account in the garden, I find that we must notice that not everything that seems good, pleasing, and desirable really is. Instead, we should have faith in our Creator and in His definitions of things.

When Jesus died on the cross He showed the depth of His love for us. We can now know that Adam and Eve were failing to see that God really desired for both of them to flourish by trusting Him. Similarly, when Jesus shows the way to live a Godly life, He wants us to flourish. He certainly showed that He cares for us by dying for our sins! The beginning of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, however, makes it clear that because of our sinful nature, God’s ways will seem counterintuitive . . . they simply may not make sense to us. However, when we love Jesus, for who He is and what He did for us on the cross, we can desire to see things in their correct light. We can then, and only then, finally, see the things that are truly good, pleasing, and desirable

Monday, July 29, 2013

About the Numbers


About the Numbers

I recently heard a pastor say something that I have heard numerous others say before. The statement in and of itself is rooted in what I truly believe to be great intentions and desires, but it carries with it a potential for disaster. The statement was made in reference to the kind of ministry in which this pastor was aiming to establish with the number of people who would attend. The statement was, “I’m not a numbers guy.”

While some may deem me extreme and irrational, maybe even a bit unfair, to have become taken aback by the seemingly small nature of this statement, especially with its proclamation being rooted in good intentions - the danger of such a statement, nevertheless, stands supreme in my estimation. As is the case with other well-intended statements, one must be cautious that one’s good intentions do not turn to biblically unjust justifications. 

For the sake of running the risk of seeming to be operating out of ignorance, I will quickly identify what I truly believe the pastor meant by saying that he was not a “numbers guy”. This statement here, even as it has traditionally been used in modern times aside from those who hold to a remnant theology (belief that God wants small numbers of dedicated followers), was meant to mean that this pastor is not into just filling a room for the sake of filling a room. What was meant was that this pastor was not going to sacrifice biblical depth and truth for palpable gimmicks even if this resulted in “numbers”. While others in the “ministry” may be gaining masses by pushing false theologies – such as the prosperity gospel – this pastor would not. He was not a “numbers guy”. This is what he meant, and I applaud him for this. However, caution must be heeded.

Throughout the Scriptures, God has certainly been a numbers guy. Promises of descendants as numerous as the stars (Ge 6:24), mass exodus’, language describing His saving work as being available for all in the world (Jn 3:16), specific quantified details being stated for mass feedings (Mt 14:13-21, 15:32-38; Mk 6:32-44, 8:1-10; Lk 9:10-17; Jn 6:1-13), intentional numerical descriptions of those turning to Christ in the days of the early church (Ac 2:41, 47, 4:4, 6:7)…God appears to be a “numbers guy”. And these examples are to just name a few! The Scriptures do specifically state that God desires all to be saved (1 Ti 2:4). Thus, numbers are of the utmost importance to God, and as such, they should be just as important to those within the Church.

My greatest fear with the statement, “I’m not a numbers guy,” is that a person can begin to settle. There are two possibilities in the realm of settling to which I am referring – and this takes place within a person’s individual responsibility or role in carrying out the Great Commission. The first is positive in a person’s day in and day out work with the utmost fervency and dedication to the expansion of the kingdom of God. In this first example, a person does not let mere numbers discredit the work that is being done for God and His kingdom. Perhaps there is not a large number of attendees in the ministry, and perhaps an unbeliever has not given his life to Christ in a while, but in this first example, the person has worked tirelessly and is in the midst of a season where growth is not occurring. This is in itself not a bad thing if the person has indeed passionately worked and strived for the expansion and continues to passionately work and strive for the expansion of the kingdom. In this example, a person has settled not in the amount of effort exuded but with the season in which he or she is operating.

The second possibility is negative and is the main fear that has prompted this article. In this example, a person may be in a season of non-growth, and in response, a person may settle with focusing his or her efforts on the maturation of those who are already within at the expense of reaching those without. If this person is not a “numbers guy” then it may be all too easy to settle when there is not numerical growth into the kingdom. Possibility the biggest caution in this is also that a person may be so content with the lack of numbers that he or she may never even get to experience whether they are truly operating within a possible season of growth or not. To reach this point is to fail in his or her commissioning as Christ followers.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matt. NIV, 28:19-20).

Jesus’ Great Commission is a proclamation to believers today as much as it was to those of the very first Christians. The commission is to the maturation of believers as well as to the reaching of the unbeliever. Let us not have a mindset of not being “numbers guys”. Let us not run the risk of settling our efforts, passions and resources on anything other than fully to what God has called us. Let us, however, desire to see the masses come to a love of Christ. Let us become consumed with the potential of droves and droves of people coming to rest in Jesus. Let us be about the numbers. Let us follow God’s example and let us yearn and work for the ever expansion of the greatest kingdom…the kingdom of God. 

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Silence For Once


Sometimes I like to sit in silence. I talk a lot. God finally gets a chance to speak to me when I sit down and be quiet. He speaks to me in ways that are really hard to describe. When I sit in silence, I completely open myself up. Usually my quiet time starts with rapid fires of thoughts, concerns, worries, fears, doubts, desires, agendas, obligations, and whatever else that can force its murky way into my mind. 

Eventually, it stops though.

And it's in that moment, when my mind is clear, and I'm completely open, that God speaks his loudest. 

When he speaks, I immediately feel a deep feeling of calm. It's the kind of calm that warmly surrounds my whole body and comforts my soul. It's really hard to put into words. Then, I feel an overwhelming sense of what I can only describe as God's goodness. 

Once I've recognized that God is with me, like he always is but I always seem to forget, I start to see things differently. Everything in the world just becomes okay. All of my worries go away, and God becomes enough. For once, God becomes enough. 

I start to notice things, "ordinary" things, the way God intended for me to notice them. I start to notice things as beautiful. Ridiculous things like ants, or clouds, or the cool breeze, or a tomato plant, or a wind-chime, or the cafeteria worker who always performs her job with a smile on her face. For a second, I notice everything in the world that is good, and I see it linked directly to the one who made things good. 

And after I sit in his presence for a while...after I bask in the sacred unity between my creator and I, his creation...all I can seem to do is raise my hands. And in the feeblest of attempts to respond, and a lot of the time the only way I can respond, with tear-filled eyes, I manage to muster the words, thank you. Thank you. 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Amazing Grace

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound..."

I don't need my ears to hear your favor. That's why it's so amazing. That's why you're so amazing. My heart will continue to hear the sound that only you can produce. It's that life saving sound. I knew it was you who sang it.

"...that saved a wretch like me."

I continually prove how unworthy I am of your love, of your forgiveness, and yet I continue to receive both. It's incredible. I don't understand it, but I will continue to thank you for it.

"I once was lost, but now I'm found..."

I was breathing, but I wasn't alive. I was stumbling around as someone other than who I was always meant to be. I am defined by the relationship I have with you. In you, I am found.

"...was blind but now I see."

I saw my life as my own, but it is yours. Once I came to know that, I truly began to live. I surrender my body. It is yours. I surrender my mind. It is yours. I surrender my desires. They are yours. It sounds weird to say those things, but you've sorted this all out. It was all foggy. It was all strange...but I was blind. Now I see.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Living Love

When I get down to the core of who I want to be, I want to personify love. I want people to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I truly love God, and that I truly love people. 
I used to have a distorted view of what love really is. I'm young, but when I was younger, love was easy. Love was common. Love was just something you said. Love could change. Love might not last. Love was just like any other emotion. 
Now that I'm older, I'm beginning to understand what love is. With that new understanding comes a new way that I approach God and those around me.
Sometimes I feel a certain way but can't express it. I sometimes read the Scriptures, and I think to myself, “That is exactly how I feel.” Or I think, “That is exactly what I want to say.” Sometimes it's like the words I read are my own words. Or even more commonly, the words I read are exactly what I need to hear. 
This verse continues to change me every time I read it. It is a common passage, 1 Corinthians 13. I read these words as if they are my own, because they are my own. I hope you will read them in the same way. It is my prayer that we can all internalize this message, and it is my prayer that these will be your words too.  
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a noisy gong or a clanging symbol. 
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 
Love never gives up. 
Love cares more for others than for self. 
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
Love is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 
Love never fails. 
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. And now these three remain...
Faith, hope, and love. 
But the greatest of these...is love.”  

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Listerine

I have taken quite a hiatus from my blog posting. This summer was crazy with all kinds of things. Many of these things I want to expand on in the future. As of now, I need to get back into the groove of things...so I thought this email that I sent to Listerine last night would be a good way to sail back "Into The Mike." 


Hello Listerine. I would first like to say, I love what you stand for and what you aim to accomplish. After using your product I immediately felt as though my mouth was further cleansed beyond what my simple brush can do. You are the Navy Seals of oral hygiene. You get the job done. I am, however, disappointed, and I am hoping you can help me solve the problem at hand (or at mouth). After I use your product, Listerine Cool Mint, the fluid leaves an unsightly blueish residue on the surface of my teeth. Is there something you can do to help me reach my goal of perfect oral appearance including the absence of plaque, gingivitis, AND the blueish residue? I hope to hear from you soon, and I hope  this can be the beginning of a long and useful relationship. 

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ah...The Trap

I constantly have to remind myself of who I am and of who I want to be. If I don't, I continually come close to falling into the trap that has been set. You know, the trap that has the goal to make everyone carbon copies of everyone else. The trap that wants us all to just strut around through life aimlessly without taking any notice of what's around us. Maybe I'm getting deep here. (This would be specifically acting against the trap) The trap is interested in surfaces and nothing more.

I've been known to fall into that trap. We all have. We're all guilty of walking under the stars, night in and night out, without looking up. The thing that is just so terrible to me about getting my pant legs caught in the teeth of that trap is that it takes me away from me. It takes me away from who I am and who I want to be.

 I haven't quite figured out the anti-trap repellant yet, but I constantly am trying to be aware of what's around me. It is my constant prayer that my eyes will see what they are intended to see, because I long to acknowledge all the daily beauty that the trap would just slap a "mundane" label on. There is so much out there and I constantly miss it. It is the most devastating thing to me.

So what do I do?

I pray for the eyes....

...and I look around.  

Saturday, April 10, 2010

What If?

Life is too short to hold back. You have to take the risk. Don't hold back. If you expect to release later... When is that? Later is now. It has always been now. I mean, if all else fails, crashes, and burns, wouldn't it be worth the few moments of the "what if?"

I love the "what if" moments. Exploring the "what ifs" is navigating through a better freer world. A lot of people think it's a waste of time. They think exploring the "what ifs" can only create disappointment. I completely disagree.

At least I do now.

Embracing and imagining the "what ifs" is amazing. It can put you in a perfect world, and it can fashion new ones. It is liberating. Some may say it is living in a fantasy, but I like to think of it as living in your hopes and desires.

Let your imagination take you to the kinds of places you can only dream of.

Why?

...How else can you accomplish the seemingly impossible unless you embrace the seemingly impossible "what ifs?"

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

What Am I Allowed To Do?

I feel like I hear predominant questions about Christianity frequently and they always have to do with what the individual is "allowed" to do. I'm sure if we're all honest, we can all attest to asking these kinds of questions too. They always seem to sound like some of the following... Am I allowed to (fill in the blank)? Can I (fill in the blank)? What does the Bible say about (fill in the blank)? Will God be mad if I (fill in the blank)? How far can I go with (fill in the blank)? Can I drink (fill in the blank)? You get the point. 


Whenever I'm asked what God's "take" is on any of those kinds of questions, I always lick the tip of my finger and hit the Bible pages looking for the clear cut yes/no answer. The problem with that is, a lot of the time there are no clear cut answers, and most people, myself included, will take the liberty of assuming its ok to do "whatever" as long as the Bible doesn't give a black and white answer against it. Or if  we find the answer is "grey", we'll justify it to ourselves somehow, usually by saying, "Hey it's a grey area." 


This is why I love Paul. 


Please take a moment to read Romans 14:14-21 (I would type it all out but then no one would read this because it's already too long) 


Now, you can substitute "food" in that passage with a (fill in the blank). 


Basically Paul is saying, Ok we believe that some of the things we do are ok and we are justified in doing them. But some other people may think those things are wrong. So, don't let what you do get in the way of someone's potential relationship with Jesus Christ because... you see, Christ suffered a pretty agonizing death with nails ripping through his flesh to a tree for that person. So, don't ruin God's plan over the things you do, whether you think your'e right in your own eyes or not, or even if you "interpreted" scripture to justify your actions. It is just better to abstain from the questionable things if those things may cause someone else to stumble. 


This way of thinking makes following Jesus a bit more radical in terms of what we're "allowed" to do. Hmm... Jesus was kind of radical too... wasn't He? 

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Platform 1/19/2010

In life, sometimes we just need to take a chance. In the midst of that uncertain leap, we will find ourselves vulnerable. Everything within us will tell us not to jump. Fear will keep us standing on the platform. Fear can reason, and reason will keep us looking out from the safety of the platform. The platform isn’t bad. The platform is where we’ve been our whole lives. It is familiar. It is certain. It is safe. But something within us longs to see what is beyond the platform. So we close our eyes and take a step, only to find ourselves scurrying back to safety. But in the still small moment, when our feet were lifted in mid-step, a voice began to speak. It was small, yet persistent. It was there faintly behind the shouting fear. So we take a deep breath. We focus on the small voice. It is our hearts. After listening for a while, we, despite all logic, jump from the platform. With that jump comes a whole new world. With our breath gone, we manage to see the old platform as a distant memory that is soon quickly forgotten.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My Testimony

I grew up a pastor’s kid. All through my childhood, I was taught the importance of loving God and going to church. I am very thankful for growing up in a Godly Christian home. I believe those were the years that taught me where I should place my priorities. Later on, though, I started to think more for myself, and there came a point when I had to decide if I wanted to follow God or not. Of course, when I was younger I loved the idea of the Creator of the universe caring about little old me.I loved the idea of spending my post-life jumping on a cloudy trampoline in heaven after I died even more. Growing up I knew that I wanted to keep my rear out of Hell. This I was certain of.

Later on, though, I started to think that my way of thinking was a little shallow. At that point, when I became a teenager, I didn’t want to follow God because people told me to, but I wanted to follow Him because I knew from experience that He was worth following. All through this struggle of searching for God to prove Himself to me, I really continued to play “Christian” very well. I grew up a pastor’s kid, so I could talk Bible language with the best of them.

This is when I began to live a very two-faced life. The person I was at school was not the person I was at church. The person who I was with my friends was not the person who I was with my family. I tried to justify my actions to myself by saying, “At least I’m not smoking pot or getting drunk like most kids.” This is when God really started to work in me. I was starting to feel guilty for my two-faced lifestyle. I now see it was the Holy Spirit who was working in me.

It was starting to become clear to me that I needed God in a big way. I would go to youth retreats, get inspired, come home “on fire,” and then cool off in a couple weeks. This continued for a while. I knew that God existed, and I knew I wanted to follow Him, but it was hard for me to follow a God who would seem to continually distance Himself from me.

After a while of the same lukewarm living, my friends and I in my youth group at church were told about an event called “Fine Arts Festival.” Fine Arts Festival is essentially an art competition for church people. We then were told that if you got past the district level, you could compete at the national level which happened to be in Denver, Colorado. We Jersey kids wanted to go to Denver.

To make a long story short, we competed in a couple of Human Video categories, acting out stories to music, and made it to Nationals in Denver. God had a plan for me and my youth friends. It was in Denver, in a huge auditorium seating hundreds and hundreds of God-crazy youth, that God totally changed my life.

God showed Himself to me in Denver, and He inspired me to the point where I wanted everyone to experience God like I had. Something within me “clicked.” I came home with a fire that would not go out. I immediately immersed myself in His Word, the Bible. Then, I started to act out what the Bible was saying and to live the lifestyle God wanted me to live.

I began to experience that as I loved people like God continually loved me, He would fill me with His presence. It really made sense to me why Jesus said the two most important commandments are to love Him and to love others.

My whole view of God had changed. When I was younger I wanted an “in” to heaven; now I didn’t care whether there was a heaven or not. I was experiencing a closeness to God that was good enough for me to continually follow Him and love people, whether there was a heaven or not.

This is exactly where I am today. God has shown me the best way to live, and that is His way of living. I live a life of sacrifice for Him, and I follow the two most important commandments, to love God and to love people. God has continually shaken me to the point of awe as I obey these commandments. My life has been changed, and it is now my goal to spread the quite literal “good news” that Jesus Christ has to offer to people. The “good news” being that there is a very real God, and He wants a personal relationship with every living person.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Skipping Rocks

Once upon a time there was a guy named Bob. Bob was wicked good at skipping rocks. He was the best rock-skipper in all the world.


Bob had two agents who represented him, Tom and Nancy.


One day this guy, Jim, wanted to see just how good Bob was. Jim was doubtful that Bob truly was the best rock-skipper in all the world.


Jim walked up to the first agent, Tom, and said to him, “I don’t believe Bob is the best rock-skipper in all the world.”


Tom immediately got very upset that Jim would say something absurd like that. Tom got so mad that he immediately listed tons and tons of reasons why Bob was indeed the best rock-skipper in all the world.


Jim wasn’t buying it. So Jim walked away.


The next day, Jim walked up to the second agent, Nancy, and said to her, “I don’t believe Bob is the best rock-skipper in all the world.”


Nancy immediately got very excited and said, “It really is something you need to experience to believe!”


This made Jim very curious to see Bob in action.


So Nancy took Jim to the stream where Bob showed up to practice each day.


Jim saw Bob throw a rock and his eyes welled up as he said, “Bob truly is the best rock-skipper in all the world.”



People sometimes struggle with the thought of God and even talk badly and raise really blunt upsetting questions about Him. When people do that, Christians’ first responses, most of the time, are to defend the name of Christ. That’s not bad. In that process though, we tend to get a little heated. If there is one thing I have learned about sharing “the good news” it is that, talk is incredibly cheap and anger brings out more anger. When Jesus went up to someone He said, “Come follow me.” He invited people to experience that He was and is God.


Talk is cheap. Anger is bad. When it comes to “the good news,” help people experience and don’t get mad if they raise some angering questions in the process.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Jesus Bar

A standard has been set for the way people should live. The bar has been set, and it has been set by Jesus. Jesus lived and went through everything we go through in life. He lived in the same kind of world that we live in today. His mandate was to change everything, and by doing so, He set the bar SO incredibly high. The Jesus Bar was created.


I have to be honest, when I first realized how high the bar has been set, I was extremely discouraged and even angry with God. "God, how can You be so unfair by expecting me to live up to this kind of a standard You have created? You want me try to live this way when I...JUST... CAN'T." After a lot of thought, prayer, and seeking to understand why God would set this kind of standard for living, I got real happy.


Jesus was perfect. He lived a completely sinless life. Perfect. The bar He has set for people to strive for is a bar of perfection. Here is the beautiful thing about The Jesus Bar - we won't come anywhere near reaching it. In fact, we won’t even be able to touch the coat tails of that bar of perfection.


At first, this really upset me. Why would I strive for something I know I could never reach? Now I realize that I do, and will, because God is amazing for setting that bar so high! No matter how good I am, I can be better. No matter how close to God I am, I can get closer. At the very end of the day, when I look back and say I did well and feel very close to God, God recognizes that I did and am; then I am challenged by that bar to be even better and to get even closer.


Jesus has set the bar. The bar is perfection. Our lives and our relationships with God can always be better and stronger. We will never reach our apex in these things. With each step comes a huge feeling of amazement and that will never, never, go away as long as we continue reaching for that unreachable Jesus Bar.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

An excerpt from my paper,"Enuresis Nemesis."

My family was always a family that attended church. My father was an associate pastor of a church in Connecticut, and there really was no option of whether or not we would be attending every time the doors were open. We would go to church on Wednesday evenings, Sunday mornings, and Sunday evenings. I used to hate going to Sunday evening church. It was boring. When Sunday evening rolled around, I was very tired from wandering around the whole church picking locks on closet doors and creating all forms of havoc earlier in the day. Each Sunday evening service was repetitive, and I could not wait to entirely forget about it the second I walked out of those church doors. As an eight year-old bet-wetter, though, there would be a Sunday evening service I would never forget.

On this particular fall Sunday in Connecticut, it was already dark at six o’clock. It was the responsibility of the children, myself and my two sisters, to make sure we were clean and dressed appropriately for church. It was no problem at all for my sisters because they were boring and lounged around on Sunday afternoons and were six and nine years older than me. But I was the adventurous Michael Evans, the eight year-old boy who went on distant quests on his bicycle and wrestled very muddy monsters in the backyard. On a typical Sunday afternoon, I had to take a shower to make myself appear somewhat clean for church.

My mother told me that I must have had some kind of issue with my appearance as a child. I can look back now and laugh as she told me I used to use a marker to color in my very light eyebrows and used white chalk to cover up the freckles on my face.

On this fall evening, I had taken things to a whole new level as far as my appearance went. I washed my hair with Nair, a hair removal product, in an effort to change its color. “Mom, does my hair look any different?”

My mother responded with a perplexed look, “No, why?”

I responded, “Because I just washed my hair with this.” Holding up the bottle of Nair, my mother exhaled a huge gasp, grabbed me by the head, and used the faucet to douse my hair with water. Luckily, my hair didn’t fall out and, upsettingly, didn’t change color. That night already seemed promising.

We pulled up to the massive edifice which was my church, and I was ready to endure another dull evening that would officially start at 7:00 p.m. It was a completely black, fall night. There was the thick smell of cool rain in the distance. The leaves were hissing as they were strewn across the concrete steps and were getting blown across my brown corduroy pants. I used to love my corduroy pants. I would purposefully walk with my legs close together, like a penguin, so that my entrance would be loud and distinguishable from the rubbing of its rippled ribs.

There were four sets of doors that we could choose to enter into the sanctuary. I always wanted to walk through the very right set of doors because the usher, Victor, always had a piece of candy in his pocket for me. That night proved to be no different. Victor handed me my piece of candy and my mother, always worried about teaching me proper manners said, “What do you say?”

I replied in a very monotone manner, “Thank you Victor.”

He gave a chuckle as my mother shot him a smile and into the sanctuary we went.

As a child, the sanctuary seemed like a whole new world. Its large wooden pews were lined in rows of what seemed to be hundreds, laid meticulously on blood-red carpet. Once we found our seat on the hard wooden pew with its paper-thin cushion, it was up to my own creativity to amuse myself. Digging through my mother’s purse and pulling out random things only occupied my attention for so long. I had to move to other things besides crumpled up tissues and lipstick if I was going to make it through the evening. Luckily, each pew was equipped with multiple hymnals, each of which I grabbed and used to create a fort that was shaped as a box and had enough space to just occupy my head. I laid down on the pew and wiggled by body ever

so carefully so that my head was inserted into the little cubby I had made as I prayed feverishly that it would not collapse. It did not collapse. In fact, it held up more strongly than I could have imagined. It blocked out all light, and as if I were in a dark, damp cave, I closed by eyes and whispered to myself, “Cool.”

Upon the opening of my eyes, I was a bit confused. It took me a minute to realize where I was. Then I remembered; I was in the cave I had created. My initial imagination put me in a dark, damp cave, and now my imagination was souring because I felt like I was in it more than ever. It was cold. It was dark. It was damp. My hands trickled down the sides of my pants in an effort to pinch myself. Could this possibly be real? In an instant, I felt where the damp sensation had come from. The front of my corduroys were soaked. I fell asleep! I was no longer in a cave. I was a frightened, embarrassed eight-year old boy who was sitting next to his praying mother with a pee stain on his brown corduroys sticking out like someone was eating a ketchup popsicle while wearing a pair of white gloves. The gig was up. I tugged on my mother’s puffy shouldered shirt, and when her eyes opened, I drew her gaze to the monstrosity which was located on the front of my trousers.

From that point, it turned into a mission, get to car without being noticed. It was something virtually impossible to do coming out of a crowded church service. I walked sheepishly with my hands cupped and held over the front of my pants. My face was splotched with red as I scooted out of the church following as closely to my mother as I could without stepping on her heels. I had made it to the door that exited the building without anyone noticing, and I had just one more obstacle to overcome.

At the door, there was another usher stationed to hold it open for each person leaving. People would walk up to the door, exchange a few words, and then leave. It was simple. I would not say anything, and I would be out home free. This, however, was not the case. We got up to the door, and the usher had extended his hand to me. His intention was to get a handshake. There was nothing I could do. I moved my arm and hand that was sheltering me from the ridicule of the masses, reached up, and shook his hand. His eyes were immediately drawn to the screaming wet mark located on the front of my brown corduroys. “What happened buddy?” he said

considerately.

I held my tongue in embarrassment, but my mother replied as she embraced me, “We had a little accident.”

The usher looked at me and said, “It’s okay, buddy.”

My mother looked at me with a smile and gave her attention back to the usher and said, “It’s been a rough night. He accidentally washed his hair with Nair earlier too.” With that, we walked out the door exiting to the parking lot, loaded into the car, and headed home where I would painfully recall each event that transpired in graphic detail acknowledging that it was the most painful Sunday evening service of my short life thus far.